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July, 2011

  1. Diary of a Plus-One

    July 26, 2011 by Nathan

    This past weekend, I was invited by Brian to be his plus-one to the wedding of our mutual friend. This account will be written from the perspective of a plus-one experiencing the final product of what I assume was a mountain of planning from the parties involved. I think I can pull this off, mostly because my addiction to Yelp coupled with my insatiable need to observe everything around me compels me to do so.

    The wedding party was allotted the entire mezzanine level of the hotel, with the ceremony scheduled in the Jim Hogg Room, and the reception to take place in the Maximilian Room right across the way. I found that to be a perfect, streamlined setup. I was one of six of the bride’s “Gay Brigade”, who were easily distinguishable by Ben’s 3-piece suit (with fedora), Brian holding a perfectly color coordinated black-and-white-with-a-touch-of-fuchsia gift bag, and me in my favorite pink Chanel tie.

    The Jim Hogg room was the perfect size for an intimate wedding gathering, perfectly accentuated with a gorgeous fireplace. (Former President Lyndon B. Johnson waited to hear his 1964 presidential results from the Jim Hogg room, just FYI). Not only was the bride radiant, but I simply adore civil weddings. They’re just like law briefs: they pack a lot of meaning and information into a short amount of space (or time). As opposed to Catholic weddings, which would be the equivalent of a rambling, never-ending fantasy novel you regret picking up at the airport. Except your butt goes to sleep. But I digress.

    The following reception was held in the Maximilian Room, which was originally the men’s smoking room (oh please, how “Titanic”). Everything was set up beautifully, and we were surrounded by eight massive gold leaf mirrors that were meant to be a gift from the Mexican Emperor Maximilian to his wife, the Empress Carlotta. And while gorgeous, the audible gasp I emitted came not for the mirrors, but from the words “open bar.”

    Waiters offered an amuse-bouche of Mediterranean steak, as well as a lovely refreshing watermelon bite. I sipped Grey Goose as the wedding party filtered in. The mezzanine also includes access to the large balcony overlooking 6th Street, perfect for smokers, or if you want to feel like you’re looking down on the common folk below you. We photo-bombed a few tourist pictures, I’m sure. And Brian did his best impression of Evita. I learned so much that night: Madonna was NOT the First Lady of Argentina. Then again, I thought the Maximilian Room was named after a Tiny Toons character, but what the hell–open bar, right?

    It’s worth noting my friend Jeff apparently had a very lively conversation with one of the wedding guests, Carole Keeton Strayhorn. I wanted to see if she wanted to do tequila shots with me, but I could never really find the right “in” for that, you know?

    The food. Where do I begin? The Driskill knocked this one out of the park. The salad was a delicious combination of spinach, lettuce, poppy seeds, almonds, and strawberries. I was planning on hijacking the irresistible cheddar cheese grits, of which I could have eaten the entire pan. Out of the grilled steak, lamb, and scallops, the scallops were the breakout star: cooked and seasoned to utter perfection. The service from the staff was on the ball, and everyone from the waiters to the wedding coordinator were models for the hospitality industry.

    I didn’t eat so much as ravenously devoured the decadent chocolate groom’s cake, AND the bridal carrot cake. A photographer caught me shoveling carrot cake in my mouth like a beast. Then she said I had the cutest color scheme of the group. I was both horrified, yet flattered. And she retook the photo, of course.

    This ranks as one of the most flawless and elegant weddings I have attended. Of course, we were all so happy for the new couple. And I could tell The Driskill played a huge part in making their special day that much more special. I was lucky to have been a part of it.

    Did I mention open bar?


  2. Extra, Extra: Read All About It

    July 26, 2011 by Nathan

    Every now and again, I’ll stumble across an ad for Austin visitors that will slip in the line “You can be an extra in a big budget Hollywood film!” between the suggestions of yakking up on 6th Street, or frolicking in the buff around Hippy Hollow. They make it sound so easy, like you just form a queue, and the next thing you know you’re mouthing “apples and grapes” behind Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock for a quick $50.

    If only.

    Third Coast Extras is the Austin-based casting company used for movies and commercials. A friend of mine who is an actual actor had invited me along to two projects: A Verizon Wireless commercial (yes, I was a hard hat guy), and a Bank of America commercial. If you haven’t been an extra before, I’ll try and explain the process the best I can.

    First step: Get on their e-mail list, or better yet, add them on Facebook. They can be found under “Beth Sepko Casting & Third Coast Extras”. One day, you may see this: “Seeking paid extras for The LYING GAME to work this Wed. 7/13. All ethnicities, m&f, ages 18-22. Local AUSTIN only. Please email contact info, height, weight, and current photo,..” etc.

    Follow their instructions to the letter. Sometimes it will say “do NOT call”, and you’ll be amazed how many aspiring starlets will call anyways. Professional head shots aren’t needed in some cases (I happen to have some from my real estate career), but they certainly help. You will only irritate them if you contact them regarding a spot that you do not fit as described. If you are a petite Asian female in their 20′s, you will not fulfill the role of a muscular African American male in his 40′s, no matter how desperately you want in on the gig. Again, you’d be surprised how many people will attempt to fill a round hole with a square peg. The employees are all VERY professional and sweet, but have a very low threshold for people who can not follow instructions.

    You also MUST be able to work the entire day(s); there are no partial gigs or leave-and-return privileges. Clear out your schedule, and prepare to possibly stay late.

    So, you’ve got the gig. They all vary, but I’ll describe the Verizon experience. Filming usually starts early…like 6 AM early. For this gig, I had to wake up at 4, meet my friend at 5:00, and drive to Bastrop to be on the set at 6:00. Third Coast reps will be there to check you in and have you fill out your pay/tax papers. Another key word for extras? Waiting. Waiting can mean sitting, eating, smoking, gossiping…but you will wait for roughly 80% of the 12-14 hour day you’re slated for. That’s why I went with a friend; it can be a long day.

    Repetition. We had to do the same thing over, and over, and over, and over–dozens of times. To this day, I can’t see how it takes 14 hours to make a 30-second spot, but it does. It may seem ridiculous at first, but be prepared to do the same damn thing until you feel like screaming. You also have to reshoot if one of the principles (or a fellow extra) screws up. That’s always fun.

    You will be fed. Craft services will always be there to provide you with as many meals or snacks as it takes to get through the shoot. For the Bank of America shoot at Auditorium Shores, we got a particularly nice boxed lunch from Central Market. Stay hydrated, especially for an outdoor shoot. Unfortunately, this means you’ll have to tinkle, and I still have PTSD from all the port-a-potty use that’s inescapable on the set.

    Your fellow extras…here’s where it gets dicey. A lot of the people already know each other in what is obviously a pretty tight knit community. “Yeah, I landed the Johnson & Johnson commercial” and “I got face time in that new Disney movie” are common conversations. However, some will be loners. And some are more outgoing, and naturally through such an adventure, you’ll make friends and have a fabulous time. You can also make enemies, especially among those who perceive you as a threat. Competition is FIERCE. I was rudely called a “little bastard” by a washed up old broad who took my seat; when confronted by a Third Coast rep, she denied it, claiming I lied and that she’d “always been professional on a set.” Yeah. Prepare for that shit.

    Then there’ll be the guy who claims to have taken Hollywood by storm, and yet you have no idea what his name is. He’ll regale you with stories of being given free luxury condos, limos, and casually mention hanging out with Ryan Phillippe “who’s really a pretty chill guy”. Ask him what movie he’s been working on that affords him such goodies, and he’ll answer: “It’s a working title.” The only people who believe him are the girls at his feet staring in awe who are even dumber than he is.

    Pay is approximately $150 for a commercial shoot. If you fit a certain type that gets more camera time (the ultimate goal), it will be more.

    Think you got what it takes? Give it a shot! And if you make it big, I get a cut for spurring your acting career. Read it–it’s in your contract.


  3. My third favorite color

    July 12, 2011 by Nathan

    I have three favorite colors: Red (when I was growing up); Black (for simple, elegant clothing); and Robin Egg Blue (for the illustrious gifts from Tiffany & Co.)

    I have a small cache of Tiffany jewelry for men purchased over the years, so I was glad Austin got it’s own in The Domain. Mostly because I was instructed that to have it cleaned, it must be done at a Tiffany’s using their own solvents. My stuff could start to look pretty bad in between trips to Dallas and Houston.

    I stopped in yesterday to have my sterling and 18-karat collapsible weave ring cleaned. It was looking dull and listless, and I kind of felt like wearing it this season. It always gets compliments (you know how I am about that), and on more than one occasion, offers to buy it right off my hand. People think I’ll just sell something like that? Like hell I will.

    Walking in, you’re greeted first and foremost by the security guy. He’s the one in the suit and the headpiece that made me peer around for President Obama. I walked down “The Gauntlet” of staff members who are staring at you with a palpable mixture of hope (that you’ll buy something), anxiety (that you’ll steal something), and exasperation (that you’ll waste their time looking at everything, even if you’ve got an overdrawn checking account). It’s awkward, to say the least. I’m trained to let them know right off the bat I’m just in for a cleaning, so the security guy gladly walked me back to customer service, and the staff exhaled a little.

    The woman at customer service was extremely friendly. She took the ring, verified it was one of theirs, and wrote up the order. She smiled the whole time and didn’t show a trace of the uptightness of her front-of-store counterparts. I was a little disappointed to find out Tiffany’s had changed their pricing from $5/ring and $10/bracelet for cleaning to a $15 across-the-board-fee, regardless of size. They kind of had me over a barrel on this one, but…such is life. She said it would be ready in 45 minutes.

    When I returned, the mood was definitely more relaxed. Some customers were browsing, but again I informed the nearest saleswoman whose lightning fast gaze landed on me that I was headed back to pick up the ring. I wanted to make sure she was apprised of the situation. Jesus, working in a jewelry store must be like walking on eggshells. I’d be on edge too, I guess. Especially since someone actually rammed a car into the front of Louis Vuitton across the street when robbing the place.

    I waited a moment while she finished up by reading a thick pamphlet on the Tiffany Engagement Ring. We really are all followers of the Cult of the Diamond. And as much as I firmly believe they are indeed a girl’s best friend, I don’t think they translate so well on men. Not even gay men. Maybe hip-hop moguls, but that’s it.

    Once again, the woman was personable and welcoming. And the ring looks 1000% better when polished.

    On the way out–for curiosity’s sake–I asked a salesman about wedding bands. I used the excuse that my brother was getting married (which he is) as a chance to get some schooling on what kind of bands for men and women Tiffany has to offer. I told him that up front, so he knew it wasn’t for me, but he gladly whipped out my favorites for me to inspect. We talked price and platinum density, diamonds and decadence, and he really seemed to know his way around the jewelry. It was excellent customer service, and a fun, informative mini-lesson for me.

    I skipped the men’s sterling jewelry. Out of sight, out of mind. Unless it’s Christmas, of course.

    Everyone loves a little something from Tiffany. Looking at all the glitter and glitz, I was reminded that my parents thank God every day I was born a boy. Even still, I find ways to indulge my insatiable appetite for conspicuous consumption. But if I were a girl, they said there’s no doubt they’d be broke.

    And looking around Tiffany & Co.–they’re absolutely right.